Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
