one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
