just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
