I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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