I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
