remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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