That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Farmville is her only friend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
