Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ketchup is God's man juice
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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