We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
