So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
