my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
