I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
