Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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