It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
