Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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