I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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