Apparently you make a good broom.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
