How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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