DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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