He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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