My Higher Power is John Stamos
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
