i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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