i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
