My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
