we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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