Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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