How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
