Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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