Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
