saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
