Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
