hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize