Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
