Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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