mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
