Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
