i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
