I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You pole danced in your parka.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
did you just send me my own nude
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
