She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's even glitter on my cock...
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