Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
