hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
