First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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