we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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