shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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