We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drake has all the answers
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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