If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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