At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
