Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
