so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
