I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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