You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize