I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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