Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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