i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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