So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I look excited, but its just a facade.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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