the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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