she woke up with a sticky ear
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I intend to get homeless drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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