If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We are two peas in an std pod
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You made out with two different species that night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
