who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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