Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
