ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
