nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
