they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
