they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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