the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
