you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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