I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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