See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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