i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
