i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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