Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Rumble strips road head = magical
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
