A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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