she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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